Choose your path:

As a registered nurse I deal with health issues all day long. But in the course of my hospital work and field work as a visiting nurse I am always amazed at how uninformed women are about what real health means. I know that I can give prescribed medications that make a condition better or at least reduce harmful symptoms for any number of illnesses. I can suggest exercise and weight reduction programs to help patients reach a better level of health and living. I can show a patient where to go to get information, direction and support with all kinds of health problems and conditions. I can take them to xrays and scans and tests and procedures that help discover what is making them ill. What I seem unable to do is to help them realize that all of the things that I do for them as a health professional will fail to improve their lives unless them establish connections that feed their very souls. Women are hardwired for connections and friendship. When women ignore or reject this natural inclination they risk their health and well being.

As a visiting nurse I can remember several occasions when the patient I had come to see was less in need than the caregiver who attended them. Giving of oneself is a grace but ignoring our own needs is a danger that can shorten life and risk health. With what was perceived as no time and no outlet these caregivers – all of them women – never took their emotional health seriously. They involved themselves with care only and did not pursue any connections to fill them with life. Even though respite care is more available now then ever it is limited in scope and may not nourish the caregiver enough. By connecting via email or establishing connections within the local community these women could have developed healthy, life-giving outlets for themselves. The NFLL Network can assist women such as these with any number of ways to connect with others.

Hospital work has also enabled me to see the damaging effects of an unconnected life. The memory of one of my patients is still vivid after so many years. She was a slight grey haired woman – once of great beauty apparently – who was dying of cancer. She never had any visitors and she seemed withdrawn and quiet with few requests of the staff. She was a professional woman who had worked hard all of her life. Fortunately she had provided herself with the very best insurance and elder care policies that would take care of her until she died. One thing she did not provide for herself was connections to friends and family. The only person mentioned in her profile who could provide information on my patient was her boss of many years who was retired and living in a distant city. A great nephew was the only family mentioned in her profile but he was also in a distant city and was not responsible for her in any way. The discharge planner finally placed my patient in an inhouse hospice care facility where she died. While I attended her I did have the opportunity to ask her about her career and her life – questions she readily answered. She was very busy all her work life and never had the time to make many friends. It wasn’t that she didn’t have the chance to meet people – she just didn’t extend herself in any way to anyone – preferring a life of self sufficiency and work.

If my patient had desired friends she did not say and perhaps she was content with how she lived her life. But I cannot believe that having someone be with you during the most stressful time in your life wouldn’t have helped her in some way live her life fully until she died.

Research indicates that women just plain feel better with friends and family they can connect with on a continuing basis. Make some connections yourself via the NFLL Network. The network will provide you with the opportunity to make vital contacts in a safe,secure environment. Don’t live half a life without friends to nourish you. Take the opportunity now to live a better more fulfilled life of health and well being.