As I sit here addressing my very last Christmas card I can't help but think of all that has brought me to this place. I am spending this Christmas with my daughter and her family in Virginia Beach , Virginia . She is in the Navy, as is her husband, and they have four wonderful children between them.

I usually go back to my condo in Colorado for the holidays -- something I have done for the last eight years -- but by a twist of fate I am here for a month. My daughter always invited me to come to her place for the holiday but I guess I never really listened until this year when I discovered a short sentence in the diary my children and I have shared very irregularly for the last nine years. It seems she has been very hurt that I had never spent the Christmas season with her. Recognizing my very large faux pas, I called and made arrangements for this trip.

Now, I'd like to tell you that my daughters are all so wonderful that I have nary a problem with any of them, but, of course, life is not like that. This particular daughter was very difficult as a teen and as she grew into adulthood some of her decisions made her father and me cry bitter tears. But that is not what the holidays are about, and so I set out with a good attitude, a case of walking pneumonia and a promise to myself to be a good grandmother and mother and let the family be who they are instead of me trying to make them into something I want them to be.

I was met a the airport by four children in Santa hats with a very large lighted sign that welcomed me to Virginia . What a delight, and they were so excited -- as was I. My, how they had all grown and what handsome grandchildren I have. I had visions of warm fireside storytelling and baking sheets of delicious cookies, wrapping presents and making wonderful wholesome meals together bathed in the glow of the Christmas spirit.

What I got was a healthy dose of reality. Too busy just keeping mind and spirit together, my daughter and her family were busy living their lives as best they could. Just getting the dinner on the table was a major feat. It was raining most of the first week I was there and so my arthritis acted up and my coughing still hadn’t stopped from the pneumonia I was still trying to defeat.

The children got cranky because of all the extra work involved in holiday time and my daughter had to be aboard her ship for more time than I had expected. The new puppy refused to be trained and the gigantic old empty fish tank adorned the dining room where I had envisioned warm family meals with real tablecloths and napkins.

Boxes of Christmas decorations came out of the attic only to be left in the living room waiting to get the time to put them up. After a week, the outside lights were still not up and I am sure that the neighbors in this brightly lit suburban community think that we are the only atheist family on the block. What the heck was I doing to my holiday and why did I come??

At last I stopped and took a real look at what was going on around me. These beloved children are making the holiday they will remember. Who remembers the perfect Christmas meal? We remember the time the dog pulled the turkey off the table. Who wants starched and pressed children who don't have fun? Let’s have the dirty-faced kid in jeans and a T-shirt who has the cookie batter all over himself. And aren't I lucky that my grandchildren are such accomplished readers that they don't need Gram to read them stories anymore?

The lights and decorations will be here next year, but at least we had the opportunity to look at them and remember times when we did have a chance to get them up -- it just may not be this year. And so I am kicking back and letting these wonderful family days come to me as slowly or as rapidly as they may. This really isn't going to be a Hallmark Christmas but it will be our Christmas. And I will take the pictures of the dirtyfaced kid and the stupid little puppy and remember each day with joy. I will thank God that I have family who love one another.

Have a very Merry Christmas and many blessings to everyone.