Choose your path:

Just last week I was trying to post something on the WFN magazine site – and just the week before that I was thinking the same thing – and the week before that. And before I knew it, almost a full year has passed since last I contributed. Time really is a bandit – stealing opportunities and chipping away at life until you find yourself coming up short on everything you had planned. I feel as if I am starting all over again – but maybe that is not so bad. New beginnings, new material, new ideas -- maybe this is a good time. Let’s hope so!!!

Thinking about starting over -- in the past six months I have met three people who are starting over at a later age in life. These women all are mothers – wives – caregivers – but in the last few years they have begun to realize that something is missing.

My first encounter was with a professional woman I met at a party. She was a very accomplished writer and organizer who held a full-time job while raising her three children and being a wife to a successful businessman. When she found out about the website for WFN she was very interested. She asked question after question about our goals but eventually the party ended so I agreed to meet her for lunch later in the week. While at lunch my new friend began to share her fears about the future she saw for herself. It seems that her children were all grown and out of the house and her husband was always traveling. Her job had been consolidated and she had only a two-day work week. She thought it would be the ideal time in her life but now she was nothing but lonely. All the expectations of being with her children and grandchildren had been dashed when they moved away from her area; and her husband was a workaholic. She spent many days alone in her home but she didn’t know what to do about it. She had not developed many friendships beyond family. As people moved out of her life she did not seek to reach out for new friends and now she was aware of her situation. Her question to me was “How do you make friends?”

Betty was my second encounter. She has worked with me for some time and I always thought her friendly and caring. She is younger with one small child and no husband in the picture. After overhearing me discuss friendship and the WFN with some co-workers, she asked if she could talk with me after work. Sitting in the cafeteria she revealed that she had no friends. She was alienated from her family who lived in another state and was not interested in reconnecting with them, but she was desperate for some female friends in her life. She recognized how alone she was and how important it was to have someone to talk to. She had fond memories of high school friends and the fun they had together and she missed all of that. Not unlike my first encounter, she also wanted to know “How do I get to know people? How do I make friends here?”

Lastly, one of my relatives stopped me at a wedding and asked how the WFN was going. We talked for a while and then she revealed that her life had changed since the children left. Her sisters were her closest friends but they had moved away. She missed the closeness and the sharing they had together. She had dedicated her life to her family and to the welfare of her husband, whom she loved very much, but still the need for women friends was real. Again the question – how?

Just how does one make friends? The obvious answer for me, of course, was the WFN – a website devoted to women’s friendship. I encouraged these three ladies to extend themselves over the website and see who was out there for them. It is quick and easy to use and we are growing all the time. It is free and there are bound to be women in similar situations. While I want the website to grow, there are many other ways to meet people who may eventually become friends.

For a young mother, the most obvious outlet is to meet other mothers in a school situation. Volunteer for a project at the school, help with a summer camp, start a Girl Scout or Boy Scout troop, volunteer at your church – the ways are endless. The answer is not only situations that enable you to meet people but also the willingness to extend yourself in friendship. Chances are there are many women who are just waiting to get to know you if you try. Silently hoping for friends will not solve any problems. In order to have a friend you must be a friend. A simple invitation to have a cup of coffee could be the start of something wonderful.

An older professional woman may wish to contact her college alumni association, her church, her professional organization, a community women’s group -- again the avenues are endless. Use the imagination you used while performing your job and turn that energy into a positive search for friends. Don’t allow the occasional defeat to stop your forward momentum.

While enduring life changes, be assured that everyone else around you is doing the same thing. The kids leave home, the job changes, you move into a new neighborhood – all these things can be catalysts for new and exciting friendships.

Be kind to yourself and be confident that you are worth it. Friends make our lives liveable. They nourish our souls and spirits and they help us manage our lives in good times and in bad. Try our website and begin the process now. You will be glad you did!